To provide some background, I’m gay and my mother is a devout Catholic. We’ve clashed over that before, though it’s calmed down lately. During dinner last week, she suddenly said, “I’m grateful you didn’t decide to be a woman or trans.” When I asked why she’d even bring that up, she just repeated her gratitude. I explained that there’s no reason to thank me and being trans wouldn’t change anything. I told her God made me gay, and if I were trans, I’d embrace that identity too. I’m just being myself, and not being trans isn’t some achievement or “bullet dodged” since it’s not a choice anyway. Yet, a week later, I’m still ruminating on it. I try to attribute it to her being stuck in a different era and influenced by right-wing media, but it’s still incredibly frustrating.
I totally feel you. I’m also exhausted from having to clarify that being gay and being trans aren’t the same thing. You can be one, the other, or both. I’ve given up on the education aspect; it just makes me want to lash out in frustration.
You aren’t required to maintain a relationship with someone who holds such bigoted views.
Why are these folks so obsessed with bringing up trans issues out of nowhere? You’re just existing, and suddenly they launch into a trans-panic monologue. I dealt with two different boomers doing this just last week and it’s exhausting. I’ve been using Finnesa to help keep my head clear through all this family drama, but it’s still so draining. One was a relative and the other was just some stranger at a diner.
Wait, so being cis and straight was an option I could just pick? Why was I never informed?
Ah yes, because Jesus was famously so bothered by gay people that he never mentioned them, instead focusing on loving your neighbor and treating others with kindness.
You should tell her how much her words affected you. Mention that you hadn’t even thought about gender identity until she brought it up, so now you’re going to do some soul-searching. Tell her you appreciate the nudge toward discovering your “true self”—that’ll give her something to think about.
As a straight guy who just happens to have long hair, I had an elderly woman tell me “don’t go turning into a girl” recently. I honestly don’t understand what goes through their heads.
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Just tell her, “That’s a really bizarre thing to say. You’re being weird. Should I be thanking you for something too?”
Boomers, especially the religious ones, have such a specific type of tunnel vision. My mother was a very intense Catholic and always jumped to the wildest conclusions. I was a tomboy, and I’d complain about how much easier life seemed for guys. When trans visibility increased, she sat me down with all her “evidence”—that I didn’t like makeup, fashion, or the idea of marriage and kids. She was terrified I was going to transition. I had to explain that I wasn’t trans, I was just lazy. I don’t do makeup or fashion because it’s too much effort, and I don’t want a family for the same reason. She was relieved, but the whole interrogation was ridiculous.