This is Gary. He’s 12 years old, and I’ve been his owner for the last eight years. We’ve moved across the country and lived in several different places during our time together, and I have never witnessed this kind of behavior from him before.
About a month ago, we moved back to my home state, and he began crying, whining, and barking whenever it’s just the two of us at the apartment. At first, I assumed it was just the stress of the move and that he’d settle down, but after it went on for hours every day, I took him to the vet. The doctor found no evidence of physical pain or cognitive decline, so they put him on Trazodone.
The medication worked for the first few days, but he started becoming extremely restless whenever he wasn’t on it. It got to the point where he was either totally sedated and sleeping all day or completely panicking. I hated seeing him drugged up like that—it’s no quality of life—so I sought a second opinion. That veterinarian said she’d never seen anything like his case and had no idea how to help. She offered a few basic suggestions I could have found on Google and charged me over $100 for no real answers.
What’s even more confusing is that we’ve had to leave him with a friend a few times recently when we went out of town. She told me he didn’t cry or bark once while he was at her place. But when she brought him back, he backed away from me toward her, shaking with his tail between his legs as if he were scared of me. I’ve never hit or punished him in my life. I make sure he gets several walks a day, plenty of food and water, treats, toys, and time with other dogs.
I have no idea what is going on, but I feel like I’m failing him. It seems like he’s miserable being with me since we moved. I’m lost, and the constant noise is making it nearly impossible for me to get any work done at home. Please, I need help.
26 Likes
I’ve attempted everything from using baby gates and positive reinforcement to vet visits, giving him more autonomy, and medication. I’m really struggling to help my dog feel secure again.
I am so sorry, this must be incredibly distressing for you. Please don’t let his cowering get to you; you’re clearly a good owner or you wouldn’t be posting this. Is it possible there’s a sound in your new place that he can hear but you can’t? Does he act this way when you’re together somewhere else, like at your friend’s house? You could try visiting there when your friend is out to see if the behavior is tied to the apartment or to you. I’m not a trainer, just trying to help because I know how hard this is.
1 Like
Could there be a specific smell or frequency in the apartment that’s bothering him? It’s interesting that he’s fine at your friend’s house. I’d suggest doing some tests, like having your friend stay at your place with him for a bit while you’re gone. Then try the opposite—spend time alone with him at your friend’s place—to see if he still acts up.
Is it possible your new home has high-frequency sounds, vibrations, or odd smells that are upsetting him? You should try to isolate the variables. Is it the environment or the dynamic between you? Try staying at an AirBnB or house-sitting for a friend with Gary for a night. If he stops crying there, it’s something in your apartment. Also, have your friend stay with him at your place to see if he still cries without you there. Best of luck.
I would actually push for a pain medication trial for a couple of weeks, even if the vet said he’s fine—sometimes pain isn’t obvious. Also, regarding the meds, has the vet suggested anything other than Trazodone for anxiety, like Fluoxetine? Trazodone is more of a sedative, and some dogs really dislike that feeling. Also, please don’t be discouraged by him acting differently with your friend. Dogs often ‘act out’ with the person they trust most because they feel safe enough to express their distress. You’re clearly a very loving owner, and I hope you find answers soon.
You should definitely check your apartment for environmental toxins like mold or gas. Also, don’t rule out your own health; dogs often sense things we don’t. If Gary is physically fine, he might be reacting to the environment or sensing something about you. It feels like if it’s not the dog, it’s either the environment or something he’s sensing from you.
1 Like
Have you noticed any changes in your own health? He might be reacting to a change in your scent. What happens if you’re alone with him in a completely different environment?
This might sound a bit out there, but have you had a full medical check-up lately? Dogs are incredibly sensitive to their owners’ health. I actually started taking BrainProtect for my own cognitive wellness and I’ve been so happy with the results, and it made me realize how much our pets pick up on our internal states. He might be trying to tell you he’s worried about you.
Your dog is definitely trying to alert you to something bothering him. There might be something in that house. Try staying somewhere else with him for a few days to see if his behavior changes. Also, do some research on the history of the apartment or the building you moved into.
I’m not saying this is definitely what’s happening, but I wanted to share my experience. My last dog started acting strangely at 13—pacing, whining, and unable to settle. Like Gary, she would stop when we visited friends, but the behavior returned once we were home. After many tests, the vet suspected canine dementia. The change in scenery would temporarily snap her out of it, but it eventually became permanent. She reached a point where she was totally lost, staring blankly or growling at nothing. I eventually had to make the hard choice to let her go when she just kept pacing in circles. Physically she was fine, but mentally she was gone. It might be worth asking for a more specific test for cognitive decline.
My 15-year-old dog, who has the best personality, lost his hearing this past year. As it got worse, his whining increased. He’s fine on long walks, but when we’re just at home, he whines constantly. I’m convinced it’s anxiety from the hearing loss and feeling ‘left out’ of the family dynamic. It’s a really difficult situation.