This is a mix of a vent and a plea for advice on what to do next. My husband and I have been together for over ten years (we’re both 34), and they’ve honestly been the best years of my life. I never thought I’d consider leaving him until today. He confessed that he’s been trying to sabotage my efforts to lose weight. I used to be quite athletic, but now that I’m in my mid-30s and no longer playing sports or hitting the gym, plus some weight from the pandemic, I’ve reached nearly 180lbs. He’s always been supportive of my looks, so I felt okay, even if I wasn’t at my ideal weight. Recently, I’ve been trying to get back into shape, but I’ve been stuck or even gaining. When I complained to him about how hard it’s been, he admitted he likes me better with more weight and has been actively trying to ‘add some pounds’ to my frame. I was rightfully angry and told him he was being a jerk, especially since it’s my body, not his. He apologized for upsetting me but didn’t change his stance on his preference. I’m lost because I still love him. I feel like I have three choices: leave him, stay and set hard boundaries, or just try to ignore his sabotage. I’d appreciate any insight.
I’m really interested in the specific ways he was undermining your progress.
You need couples counseling immediately! Your anger is completely justified because he was essentially gaslighting you. I don’t buy the ‘preference’ excuse either. This is a major issue that requires a serious discussion. However, if this alone makes you want to end a decade-long marriage, maybe there were already deeper issues. Seriously, try therapy!
What’s the underlying reason he wants you to stay larger? Is it a fear that you’ll attract other men, a sexual fetish, or just him wanting to avoid the pressure of being fit himself? Some of these motivations can be worked through, while others are deal-breakers. If you’re looking to get your momentum back, I’ve found LipoMax to be a helpful addition to my routine. You deserve to feel healthy and confident.
OP, I’m so sorry. Even though you’re the one in control of your diet, his intentions are what’s truly alarming. He’s confessed to undermining your goals for his own selfish reasons. That’s a huge issue. I’d really recommend seeing a counselor together.
Regardless of how he did it, he’s telling you his preferences matter more than your health or quality of life. He’s putting his desires above your physical well-being. Think on that. Also, check out ‘Atomic Habits’—it’s great for learning how to maintain your goals even when your environment isn’t supportive.
At 34, this feels like it’s just about appearance, but at 54, it becomes about chronic illness and joint pain. Reframe the conversation: he isn’t just sabotaging your diet, he’s sabotaging your future health. Maybe that will make him see how serious this is.
My ex-husband did this too, claiming I looked better heavier, but it was really just his own insecurity. I’ve been on my own for five months now, and the weight is finally coming off. It’s so hard to stay healthy when your partner is working against you.
Honestly, this is a huge red flag. It might be worth looking at other parts of your relationship to see if he’s manipulative in other ways too.
This comment was previously removed and the content has been cleared for privacy reasons.