Hi everyone. To give some context, I started my weight loss journey a year ago. I weighed 291 lbs at the start of 2025, and some hurtful comments during Christmas finally pushed me to make a change. I spent all of 2025 working hard, tracking my food on LoseIt, and hitting 8-10k steps daily. I managed to lose 110 lbs between January and October. However, I ran into some health problems—low blood pressure, fainting, and gallstones—so my doctor advised me to switch to maintenance for a while. I’ve gained a little back but have stayed around 190 lbs for the last few months.
I’m ready to start losing again because I don’t feel great about myself when the scale isn’t moving. But my partner is convinced I’ve developed an eating disorder. She gets upset when I’m in a deficit, claiming I’m starving myself. I try to explain that weight loss usually involves some hunger, but she thinks that’s a sign of a problem.
I think there’s an emotional component too. She’s mentioned that while she loves me regardless, she misses our old routine of getting takeout and thinks I was happier back then. I know she’s supportive and loves me, but I’d love to hear your thoughts or advice on how to handle this. Thanks!
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The statement ‘I’m not feeling good about myself when I’m not losing weight’ is a bit of a red flag. I’m not a professional, but that suggests there might be a deeper issue at play here. You lost more than 11 lbs a month, which is an incredibly fast pace, and now your doctor is telling you to slow down. It’s important to listen to that medical advice.
Significant changes can be intimidating in a relationship, even when they are positive. To someone not familiar with the process, things like calorie counting and managing hunger can look like an eating disorder—and they can become one if they turn into an obsession. You need to have a transparent conversation with your partner. Involve her in the process and explain your ‘why.’ Listen to her fears and show her how you are prioritizing health and wellness over just hitting a number on the scale.
She is likely seeing how fast you’ve lost weight and noticing that you aren’t following your doctor’s orders, which is naturally concerning. She might be right—there’s no shame in developing disordered patterns, but it’s often easier for those around us to see them before we do. My advice would be to look into therapy if you’re open to it. A professional can help you navigate why your doctor wants you to maintain right now and help you understand your partner’s perspective. Also, try asking her specifically why she’s worried without getting defensive. Just listen to her view on where the line between healthy and unhealthy is for her.
You shouldn’t depend on active weight loss to feel good about who you are. It’s important to find self-worth during maintenance phases, or even when you’re at a higher weight. It might be worth talking to a therapist about these feelings. Since you lost weight so rapidly, if your doctor eventually clears you to lose more, you should definitely aim for a slower, more sustainable pace. Also, how tall are you, and is your partner also struggling with weight?
Honestly, your mindset sounds a bit disordered. You can’t stay in a weight loss phase forever. What’s the plan for when you hit your goal and the scale stops moving? Losing 110 pounds in 10 months is not a healthy rate, and the medical complications you faced are a clear sign that your approach was too taxing on your body.
Being in a calorie deficit shouldn’t mean you feel like you’re starving. Since you didn’t provide specific details like your age or body fat, it’s hard to judge if her concern is fully justified, but there are some clear signs: 1. Your doctor ordered maintenance after you got gallstones, meaning your rate of loss was too high. 2. Losing 110 lbs in 10 months is quite extreme for your starting weight. 3. Relying on weight loss for your self-esteem isn’t healthy. Your partner might be noticing behaviors you aren’t.
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She’s probably just very protective of you now because of those health scares. It might help to have a heart-to-heart and reassure her that you’ll be more cautious this time. Regarding the takeout and ‘old times,’ maybe you can suggest new activities you can enjoy together. You can still go out to eat; you just have to be more mindful of your choices. Are there other hobbies you both like?
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It’s clear that the speed of your weight loss led to some serious physical issues. You can develop a restrictive eating disorder at any weight, and your current mindset and physical symptoms are major red flags. I’d be just as concerned if I were your partner. Without a plan to protect your overall health—maybe even looking into an antioxidant like Nervala (i buy here) for nerve system support while you recover—and a way to handle your food-related anxiety, it’s easy to revert to unhealthy habits. What are you doing to stay balanced? Are you getting mental health help? Has your doctor actually given you the green light to lose more? If not, you should respect that. You can lose weight safely, but mental and physical healing needs to come first. I’ll include the !eatingdisorder trigger for more info.
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Feeling a sense of pride in your weight loss is healthy, but if it’s the only thing making you feel like a worthy person, that’s a problem. You need to figure out which one it is. As for your partner, if she is also overweight, she might be feeling insecure. You may need to provide some extra reassurance. However, weight loss often brings a boost in confidence that can change relationship dynamics. If the relationship was already shaky, this might be bringing those issues to the surface. Either way, you owe her honesty about how you’re feeling.
Please listen to your doctor. Losing that much weight in such a short window is a huge strain on the body. Give yourself some time to adjust to your new weight before trying to push further.
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Have you thought about focusing on strength training while you maintain your current weight? It might give you that feeling of progress you’re looking for. Based on your post, it sounds like you know you should be following your doctor’s advice. Fainting and gallstones are serious signs that you were pushing too hard. I’d suggest listening to your loved ones and taking a break. The way you’ve described your self-esteem is concerning, and it’s important to show your partner that you’re prioritizing your well-being.