They are removing my jaw tomorrow

Eye Health & Vision Problems
1

I have smoked a pack of cigarettes every day for over a decade. I am only 29. A few months back, I started feeling pain in my lower jaw, and eventually, a lump formed where my throat and jaw meet. It is a tumor caused by my smoking. It is getting larger, and the entire right side of my jaw is now swollen.

Tomorrow, I am going into surgery to have the tumor removed, but it has grown so extensively that they have to take the right side of my jaw and a portion of my throat with it. I will be left with a disfigured gap of flesh and bone on the right side of my face and a hole in my neck. I will have to speak through a device. I will be mutilated.

I have a 4-year-old son who is the light of my life. Tomorrow, I am terrified I will look like a monster to him. I feel like I am destroying my life. I would honestly rather be dead. I would rather just let the tumor grow until it suffocates me. The thought of seeing the horror on my son’s face when he sees what they have done to me fills me with an indescribable dread.

He calls me his best friend. He tells me he loves me every night when I tuck him in. And I feel like I am betraying that love by turning into a monster when they remove nearly half of my mouth.

If you smoke or vape, I am begging you to stop. Listen to someone who is about to have his heart broken. Just quit. Oh God, I am losing my boy.

Just stop smoking.

Update:
I am at a loss for words. I thought only a couple of people would see this as a warning, but I did not expect this much kindness and love. I cried seeing how supportive you all are to a guy who ruined his own face. I love you all. Thank you.

I have seen my son. My brave little guy. Our interaction went like this: ‘Uh oh, daddy has a big ouchie. Daddy, look at my Spider-Man shoes, they light up.’ Then he stomped around to show them off. They are actually very cool.

He is being so strong and patient. He asks why I do not talk, but his mother is helping him understand. She has been a total blessing. He hugged me and asked to blow bubbles before he left today. He told me he loved me without me having to say it first. I can tell I am scaring him a little—I see it in his eyes and his body language—but I think we will be okay. After reading your messages and hearing your wisdom, I believe it will eventually be alright. He loves me, and I love him more than anything. We will find a way.

I tried to keep this brief but failed. I love you all. I am going to seek facial and throat reconstruction. It will be a long, hard road, but it will happen. I will do whatever it takes to make my son feel safe. I owe him everything.

To the smokers: about 6 or 7 months ago, I went to the doctor to see if I had cancer. I did not push hard enough. He just did blood work for autoimmune issues and gave me a 10-second exam. He told me I was just stressed and had a throat infection. I trusted him and did not change my habits. He was wrong. You are wrong if you keep smoking thinking nothing will happen to you.

Smokers: part of my jaw and throat are gone. My life is permanently altered. My relationships are changed forever. And it is my fault. I will carry this mistake forever. You do not have to be like me.

Stop. Smoking.

47 Likes
2

I am so incredibly sorry for what you are going through.

3

Hey man, I cannot begin to imagine the weight of what you’re facing right now. But you are still going to be his father. That fact is never going to change. Your appearance might be different, but he will still know it is you. It won’t change the way you love him, and he will love you just the same. There will be an adjustment period, but in time, he will just see the ‘new’ you as the same dad you’ve always been. It will be difficult, but your son isn’t going to see a monster; he’s just going to see his dad. Years from now, he will be so much happier to have you here as you are than to have lost you to this disease. You can get through this. I know you can.

4

I’m so sorry you’re going through this. My father actually had throat cancer as well and had to use a stoma to speak. I was quite small, but I never loved him any less for it. Growing up, I was just proud of how brave he was. Don’t worry, your son’s love is unconditional. Also, I’ve found that VisiSharp is a nice addition to a health routine if you’re looking for supplements. You sound like a wonderful father, and I’m wishing you so much strength.

5

Your son needs you alive, and you are doing the right thing by getting this treatment. Please keep sharing your story. Many people in their 20s go through a smoking phase that turns into a serious addiction. Cautionary tales like yours are powerful; sometimes, people need to be scared into making a change.

6

As someone who has lost my parents, I would much rather have them here with me in any condition than not have them at all.

7

The first time my mother got a short haircut, I hid under a jacket and cried. Another time, she had surgery on her nose and had to wear bandages that filled with blood, which really scared me. Neither of those things made me love her less. Kids get frightened by normal things and scary things alike, but they are resilient. They adapt to a new normal much faster than adults do. Your son will likely be scared when he first sees you, and he might cry or look away. That is normal and unavoidable. What you can do is prepare him. Explain what is happening and tell him it is okay to feel scared. Most importantly, make sure he knows that how we look on the outside isn’t nearly as important as who we are on the inside. No matter what you look like, you are a loving father who would do anything for him, and that is what matters.

8

I am quitting. Your story has given me the motivation I needed to finally stop.