I am a 36-year-old woman who has been divorced for a year after an 18-year relationship. I still struggle with body image issues caused by the final years of my marriage. I now recognize that the relationship was toxic and unhealthy, which contributed to me neglecting my self-care. Towards the end of that marriage, I had significant hyperpigmentation on my inner thighs near my groin. My ex-husband frequently made hurtful comments about how ‘disgusting’ it was. My therapist has even suggested that his behavior regarding this was emotionally abusive. While the discoloration has improved since I stopped wearing black leggings every day, I am still very self-conscious. I have been seeing someone for the last six months who is very kind and non-judgmental. He has offered to perform oral sex on me, but I have been too insecure about the pigmentation to let him. He has been very understanding and hasn’t pressured me, though I still haven’t let him see the area. He is a larger man himself and mentioned he likely has similar skin issues, though I haven’t noticed anything when I am with him. We have a very active sexual relationship, but we avoid anything that puts his face near that part of my body. I am starting to feel a bit better about it, but I am terrified that if he has a negative reaction, it will ruin the progress I’ve made over the last year. How much does this actually matter to a partner, especially if they are warned ahead of time? Would it be strange to suddenly ask for it now?
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It doesn’t bother me at all. I only care if you don’t love your own body. If you love yourself, it allows me to love you too.
As long as it isn’t green, I’m fine with it.
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It’s not a concern; as long as everything is clean, it’s fine.
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I can’t recall which comedian said it, but it’s very true: You don’t arrive at the gates of heaven and start complaining about the landscaping! Most men really won’t mind, especially those who actually care about you.
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The color doesn’t matter to me. My only questions are: is it clean and can I enjoy it? That is all that counts.
That man would have found any excuse to tear you down; he just saw your skin as an easy target. To a good partner, this wouldn’t be an issue at all.