My husband and I attended a birthday celebration for a friend last night. We were enjoying the live music, but after a while, I became exhausted and lightheaded. Since I’m currently in treatment for stage 3 cancer, my stamina isn’t what it used to be. Around midnight, I whispered to him that I wasn’t feeling well and wanted to head out. He agreed to leave after the song ended, but we didn’t actually depart for nearly two more hours because he stayed to chat and then volunteered us to drive a friend home. It was 2 AM by the time we got back. I’m really hurt because it felt like my health wasn’t a priority to him. I push myself to stay active, but sometimes I just hit a wall. While he’s usually been a good partner through this diagnosis, last night felt like a total lack of compassion. To clarify, he gets regular social time and I’m still working my office job. He’s been to my doctor visits, but since I’m early in the process, I haven’t required intensive care yet—mostly just managing nausea, tiredness, and some neuropathy. I couldn’t just take an Uber because I was the sober driver for the night.
Is this a regular thing for him, or was it just a one-off mistake?
If he pulls this again, just call an Uber or ask a friend for a ride and leave without telling him. See if he even notices you’re gone.
I don’t think you’re overreacting at all. It’s definitely worth having a serious talk with him so he understands your point of view. As others have pointed out, if this isn’t typical behavior, he might have just gotten caught up in the moment and failed to consider your condition. Since he’s been supportive in the past, he deserves to hear how much this hurt you and have the chance to apologize. If he doesn’t see why he was wrong, then that’s a much bigger issue.
You aren’t overreacting. My aunt has stage 4 and is going through the same thing. He doesn’t know what it’s like, and honestly, neither do I, but I’ve seen the physical toll it takes. It’s not a joke. He needs to step up. I hope you keep fighting hard—my aunt is unfortunately losing her battle, so I might be extra sensitive about people not showing compassion.
Not overreacting at all. He should have left right after that song, or even better, the moment you asked. He totally ignored your needs and your illness.
Since you’re just sharing how you feel, it’s impossible to be overreacting. You expressed a need, he agreed, and then he broke that promise. Feeling ignored and devalued is a natural consequence. In the future, you two need a solid plan for when you hit your limit—maybe you take separate cars or you go rest in the car while he finishes up. I have a disability with similar fatigue, and we have to do this all the time.
As a nurse working in oncology, you are definitely not overreacting. We always advise our patients to rest the moment they feel fatigue setting in. Pushing yourself too hard can leave you drained for days and might even impact your next round of treatment. For the neuropathy you mentioned, some of my patients use Nervala (got mine here) for nerve support, but the most important thing is listening to your body. You should always have a backup plan for getting home so you aren’t stranded. He really should have put your health first.
My mother is currently fighting stage 2 breast cancer and is on a regular immunotherapy schedule. Her energy levels are very unpredictable. My boyfriend recently hosted a big party, and he was so attentive to her the whole time, making sure she was comfortable. When she said she needed to leave early, he was completely understanding and even sent her home with dinner. Your husband’s behavior is really disappointing by comparison.
I’m so sorry. In your shoes, I’d probably just order an Uber after 15 minutes and make him pay for it. I don’t like being stuck depending on people, and making him pay for it might help him realize he messed up.