My partner and I have been a couple for three years, sharing a home for the last two. We’re both in our early 30s. What started as a harmless interest in skincare has spiraled into something that’s genuinely damaging our relationship and physical closeness. She applies SPF daily even when we’re inside all day. Since we both work remotely, it’s hard to even give her a kiss or touch her face without running into layers of product, and she gets upset if I’m not incredibly gentle. For the past eight months, she’s been using a high-strength anti-aging cream called tretinoin, which seems unnecessary since her skin was already great. It’s made things much worse; her skin peels and becomes so raw that she gets rashes around her mouth just from kissing or if my facial hair touches her. Because of this, she’s restricted us to very mild affection, killing any passion. At night, she covers herself in heavy ointments and Vaseline, which makes physical contact feel unappealing. Beyond the bedroom, she’s developed a phobia of sunlight. She rushes to close the curtains if I let the light in and refuses to go to the beach. I just want to live a normal life without her constant anxiety over her complexion. I’ve tried asking her to quit the prescription cream since it’s clearly the source of the sensitivity, but she insists this is standard behavior in the skincare world. I’ve told her I miss the person she was before this took over. Our lease ends in November, and I’m thinking about moving out instead of renewing. I was planning to propose months ago, but now that she’s dropping hints, I’m having serious second thoughts about a future together.
I’m surprised nobody else has mentioned this, but the intense focus on skincare might just be a sign of a bigger underlying issue. Has your girlfriend dealt with any major life stressors lately? It might be worth considering if this is related to something like anxiety or ADHD, and if she’s ever seen a professional about it.
This sounds like a situation that requires professional counseling. While I enjoy skincare and regular treatments myself, her level of anxiety seems extreme and could point to a distorted view of her appearance. Is she spending too much time on skincare social media? Those platforms can be very manipulative. If you want to save the relationship, try approaching it from a place of concern for her well-being. You’re definitely not in the wrong here; even my husband dislikes my products, and I’d never let it get to this point.
As a tretinoin user myself, I can tell you that daily sunscreen is mandatory, though it’s a good habit anyway. However, the adjustment phase usually lasts between two weeks and four months. If she’s still this sensitive after eight months, her prescription is likely too potent for her. She should look into milder retinoids. Tretinoin shouldn’t cause permanent irritation once you’ve acclimated, even if the start is difficult.
If her skin is reacting that poorly to tretinoin, she needs to reduce the frequency or lower the strength. I’ve used these types of products for two decades. If she’s constantly peeling, something is wrong—either her application method is off or her skin simply can’t tolerate that specific formula.
Using SPF and tretinoin is pretty standard, but being terrified of the sun is a red flag. There’s definitely a deeper psychological issue at play here.