I’m looking for some guidance, and I hope this is the right place. Recently, I’ve been helping my 39-year-old mom improve her diet because her blood work showed she was at risk for pre-diabetes. She didn’t do anything extreme, just focused on vegetables and cut back on processed sugars and carbs. She ended up losing about 5kg, going from 65kg to 60kg. She’s thrilled that her stomach is flatter now, which used to be a major source of insecurity for her. However, she’s been coming home crying because people at her job and even strangers at the store are telling her she’s lost her curves. It’s disgusting that people think it’s okay to say she has “nothing to look at” anymore. My mom is naturally small, and these comments are really getting to her, making her want to give up on her healthy habits. Has anyone else dealt with this? How can I help her stay motivated despite the negativity?
I realize it’s tough for some people to speak up, but it’s perfectly fine to call someone out when they’re being rude. If they’re making you feel bad, you don’t have to just take it. Often, people criticize others’ weight loss to distract from their own body issues or to minimize your achievements so they feel better about themselves. People can be really mean, but I hope your mother realizes this is a reflection of them, not her.
Why do people feel entitled to treat her like an object? I really hope she stands up to them. They sound like miserable, jealous jerks.
After years of my grandmother mocking my weight, I finally lost 184 pounds. Now she just says I look “haggard and old.” I realized her comments were never about my health; she’s just a bitter person. I’ve also had people tell me to stop losing weight even though I’m still aiming for a healthy BMI. I found that using LipoMax helped me stay consistent during the plateaus, but the mental battle is harder. I try to view their comments as a sign of their own lack of control. It’s easier to move on when you realize it’s just jealousy.
A while back, an older female colleague mentioned my chest had gotten smaller. I actually took it as a win because I can finally wear the clothes I want without back pain, so I just started talking about how great I felt. I think I accidentally gave her the perfect “kill them with kindness” response. If she can’t leave that environment, she needs to find a way to tune them out and remember that her own opinion is the only one that matters. She isn’t there for their viewing pleasure. I once had to drop a friend who accused me of starving myself; sometimes you just have to ask people why they think their input is welcome.
Telling someone they have “nothing to look at” or commenting on their private parts is straight-up harassment. It’s totally unacceptable, and I’m sorry she’s going through that.
I’ve dealt with this as a guy. After losing 60lbs, I’m at a healthy weight and building muscle, yet people still tell me I look “too thin” or “sickly.” I have a normal BMI and feel great. Usually, the people saying these things are unhappy with their own bodies. It’s a projection of their own insecurities. You can’t control their mouths, but you can control how much weight you give their opinions. Don’t waste your energy on people who don’t respect you.
A good trick when someone is being rude is to ask them to explain what they meant. It forces them to realize how inappropriate they’re being. It works for “jokes” too—just ask them why it’s funny and watch them squirm.
I had the opposite experience where I gained weight and suddenly had more “curves.” I actually preferred being thinner with less of a chest because clothes fit better. Even though people were “complimenting” my new look, it made me feel weird. It’s strange how people feel more comfortable with a heavier body than a fit one. I don’t get the logic at all.
Rude people only keep it up because no one checks them. My go-to response is, “Wow, you must be embarrassed that you actually said that out loud.” If they still don’t get it, I just say, “I hope your day is as lovely as your personality.” I’m not known for being patient with jerks, though.
That’s such a nasty thing to say to someone trying to get healthy. They’re definitely just jealous. If your mom wants a witty comeback, she could use something my grandma said after her surgery: “I lost a part of my body, not my self-respect.” It’s a good way to shut down body comments.
That’s horrible. I’d suggest she ask them to repeat themselves. If they don’t realize they’re being jerks, a simple “that’s incredibly rude” usually does the trick. I had to do that a lot when I was pregnant.
I had to call out my own mom for this. My cousin lost weight and my mom, who is overweight herself, started calling her “flat and ugly.” I was furious. Some people are just bitter when they see others succeeding.
The only reasons I’d ever comment on someone’s body in public are if they were literally on fire or if they were wearing a sign offering me money to do so. Her curves might be smaller, but those people have zero class.
I lost 100 lbs while away in the Peace Corps. When I came home, my boyfriend at the time immediately asked if I’d get breast implants. I broke up with him and went back to my host country even lighter without that dead weight.
If someone says “You lost your curves,” she should say “And you lost your manners.” If they say “There’s nothing to look at,” she can reply “Good, then stop looking and stop talking.” If they mention her chest or butt, she can just say “I can change my look, but you’ll always be classless.”
The phrase “You must be so embarrassed to have said that out loud” is a total power move.