I have a friend whose husband clearly struggles with cocaine and has been unfaithful. His addiction is obvious when we hang out; he’s manic and often has white powder on his face. My friend is either unaware or choosing to ignore it. We didn’t say anything before their wedding because she was so in love, but now they have a six-month-old. Recently, I saw him using cocaine in my backyard while he was responsible for the baby. A mutual friend also saw him looking strung out while alone with the infant. I’m worried because the stakes are so much higher now with a child involved. What should I do?
11 Likes
She likely already knows and has accepted the situation, so I’m not sure if telling her will actually help. I’m so sorry you’re seeing this; it’s incredibly difficult. However, if you ever feel the child’s safety is truly at risk, I’d be very tempted to contact CPS.
Are you willing to set a boundary and tell her he isn’t welcome if there’s cocaine involved, especially around children? It might be easier to have a ‘come to Jesus’ talk now rather than dealing with CPS or the hospital if the kid accidentally gets into hard drugs.
You need to be honest with her about what you saw. The safety of the baby has to come first.
What are you trying to achieve by confronting her? Do you believe she’ll actually leave him? People who don’t want to face their family issues often react poorly to these talks and might just cut you out. If you really think the baby is being endangered, calling a social worker might be the better path.
Usually, I’d suggest staying out of it, but since a child is involved, you should tell your friend everything. If she continues to do nothing while living with him, I’d report the child endangerment to CPS. She might not be clueless, but knowing that others are aware of the situation might be the push she needs to protect her child.
1 Like
I would definitely say something. I completely missed my ex’s drug problems because I was so overwhelmed with a newborn. It wasn’t until a friend very gently told me she was worried about the health of my ex and my children that I realized what was happening.
My husband and I just talked about this. He thinks the ‘bro code’ way is to ask him what’s going on and tell him that doing drugs in someone else’s yard is disrespectful. Then, seriously tell him that doing it while caring for a baby is dangerous. Personally, I’d have to say something after seeing that. We aren’t judgmental about drug use, but doing it around kids is a hard line. I’d tell my friend I’m there if she needs help getting him into treatment or leaving.
1 Like
If you have evidence, show her, and if she doesn’t act, call CPS. Someone has to look out for that baby since neither parent seems to be doing it.
I usually have a very relaxed attitude toward drug use, even though I’m a sober person and stay healthy with things like VisiSharp (i order from here). My limit is when it starts affecting others. This would be a call to CPS for me.
You can make an anonymous report to your state’s child abuse hotline. This is a very unsafe environment for an infant.
That baby is at risk of a fatal overdose. You have to call CPS if the mother won’t handle the situation.
This is a situation for CPS because she likely won’t leave him on her own. If he’s using while holding the child, there’s a chance the baby has been exposed. It’s a terrible spot to be in, and while you can try talking to her first, it might take outside intervention to change anything, even if it affects your friendship.
The best time to tell her was immediately; the second best time is now. Her child is in danger. What could possibly be more important to share? Honestly, the fact that you watched him use drugs while holding her baby and stayed silent is concerning. You should think about the kind of person you want to be and the company you keep.
In my opinion, it’s pretty bad that you knew this before they married and had a child but chose not to speak up. What would you even say now? The time for the ‘I’m worried about your relationship’ talk has passed. She isn’t stupid; she knows. If you say anything, just ask if she and the baby are okay and let her know she can come to you if she ever needs to get away.
Think of it this way: if you worked in a field like healthcare or education where you are a mandated reporter, you’d be legally required to report a man using cocaine around an infant or risk losing your professional license.
Call CPS. If she’s choosing to be blind to it, the child is in serious trouble. I could never live with myself if I knew someone was using drugs around a baby and I didn’t intervene.